Anyone in the Peace Country, Alberta, or Canada for that matter knows all about the apparent issues with H1N1 aka Swine Flu aka you $^#% pigs. Not to mean it in a derogatory human female insult sort of way I actually mean you sleep with pigs, the big pink curly tailed kind…or should I say I do. Despite all the constant negativity I’ve been spewing towards it being nothing more then media flu (really it is) I’ve been diagnosed with a case of the dreaded disease and only have literally hours to live. Needless to say It’s been a good run and I hope all my sins from this past week alone won’t strike me down to hell to far. Then again I’m a pig f%&ker so I probably deserve it.
Like I mentioned it’s been a good run but the past week has been hell. Forget about all the work related issues with computers, that’s a wash as it happens every week no matter who it’s from. Walks, fix this. Walks my monitor doesn’t work. Walks, I think I spent to much time downloading pornography and it has consumed my computer (no lie this is usually issue number one when it comes to fixing a male’s computer). I’m still not sure why I need to constantly remind people that this is a day and age of free video on the internet and with sites like youtube and break leading the charge anyone with a knowledgeable brain or at least one with sex on the mind should know there are a PLETHORA of youtube related porn sites. Google is your friend people, stop trying to save gigabytes of porn to your computer…it’s a waste of your and my time.
One thing about swine flu and being quarantined from the rest of society is you have far to much time on your hands…like contemplating if the sins you commit on Halloween are forgiven because, well lets face it, everything everyone did on Halloween was bad. Binge drinking, fighting, drinking and driving, slutty costumes, taking a trip with Pedro, etc. all just the tip of the iceberg for some of us. There are plenty of things far worse then what some friends did but I think it will be a safe assumption that hanging out with Patrick Kane should only happen once a year, as well two actual hockey coaches portraying themselves as Graham James in public should probably be kept on the down low. Packs of smokes, stripshows, fornication in a bathroom, long underwear, strange rides with dudes to a party, and urinating in public I’m sure are just the beginning but it’s a safe bet that most of us can be thankful that Halloween only comes once a year.
Sadly the next stop is Christmas which results in colder weather, more snow, and a lot more vodka to keep warm. One would think the cold weather would force some of us to keep our clothes on but when a hot tub is involved nudity is usually a given. Hmm, the more I write the more I start to realize why I’m probably sick in the first place. Hockey! Sharing water bottles is a BAD idea.
Needless to say my time is up and I’m about ready to pass on.
To the couch that is.
Till then the puking and what not I’ve been going through should be a safe reminder to you all to use your own water bottle and of course don’t F^#K PIGS…
Stick to uncles (the video below should explain that).
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv9hOH2vAuM]
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